Questions for every round

Questions for two

The 36 questions to fall in love, in the right order

The 36 questions to fall in love come from a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron and his colleagues. The idea is simple. Two people take turns asking each other questions that become more personal across three sets. If you really engage with them, you soon find yourselves sharing things people usually only share after months, and that is exactly what builds closeness.

Here is how it works. Sit across from each other, put everything else away and both answer every question, one at a time. Keep the order, because it is part of how the questions work. Plan for about 45 minutes, and give yourselves time with the questions that stir something in you.

The questions work on a first or second date, and just as well for couples who have been together for years and want to discover each other again. Among good friends, they lead to conversations you remember for a long time. Below you will find all 36 questions in the original order, as they appear in the app.

Set I: Warming up

Light questions to begin with. You get to know each other without it getting too personal yet.

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
  6. If you could live to 90 and keep either the mind or the body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years, which would you choose?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  8. Name three things you and the person opposite you appear to have in common.
  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  11. Take four minutes and tell the other person your life story in as much detail as possible.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II: Opening up

Now the questions turn to dreams, memories and what matters to you.

  1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life or the future, what would you want to know?
  2. Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
  3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  4. What do you value most in a friendship?
  5. What is your most treasured memory?
  6. What is your most terrible memory?
  7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you live now? Why?
  8. What does friendship mean to you?
  9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  10. Take turns naming something you consider a positive characteristic of the person opposite you. Share five each.
  11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
  12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III: Getting close

The most personal questions. This is the part where it pays to slow down and really listen.

  1. Make three true statements starting with 'we'. For instance: 'We are both in this room feeling...'
  2. Complete this sentence: 'I wish I had someone with whom I could share...'
  3. If you were going to become close friends with the person opposite you, share what would be important for them to know.
  4. Tell the other person what you like about them — be very honest, saying things you might not say to someone you've just met.
  5. Share an embarrassing moment from your life.
  6. When did you last cry in front of another person? And by yourself?
  7. Tell the other person something you like about them already.
  8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  9. If you were to die this evening with no chance to talk to anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
  10. Your house catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you can save one item. What would it be? Why?
  11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  12. Share a personal problem and ask the other person how they would handle it. Then ask them how you seem to feel about it.

How to play it with Say It!

In Talk mode you will find the 36 questions as their own deck, free and in exactly this order, set by set. Put the phone between you and tap from one question to the next, no printouts needed.

If you want to keep talking afterwards, decks like Date Night and Deep Talk are unlocked with a single one-time purchase. There is no subscription and there are no ads.

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